July 26th 2023, is the day I heard you have cancer. I have been thinking about writing down my thoughts and feelings about my journey for a while. I am not sure what I will get written, but I will do it. This will end up being a multi-part sort of post.
Going back almost a year to July of 2022, I noticed I was starting to lose weight. At the same time, I also began to see and be treated for my diabetes by the VA. I attributed this weight loss to the medication I was taking at the time. I also noticed that I couldn’t eat as much as I previously could. Again, I put that as a side effect of the medication I was taking. Was that the case? Were those both side effects from medication, or was it the cancer starting to grow?
I need to rewind a few years to a trip I had taken to my mother-in-law's house in Panama City. She made some fantastic steaks for dinner, and I eagerly enjoyed mine. I was so eager that I cut off a piece too large and did not chew it properly. The steak became stuck in my esophagus, so Valerie took me to the emergency room. The doctor who removed it stated he thought I had Barrett’s Esophagus. This was later confirmed and treated. I was also told I had a Hiatal hernia.
Now, jumping back to the present, in late 2022, I noticed I was having an issue swallowing food. I thought this was the Hiatal hernia acting up again. So, I made sure to chew my food well and also take smaller bits. I was also losing weight slowly.
From January until early May, I lost weight and was still having issues swallowing. Early in May, I actually had part of a grilled cheese get stuck and not allow me to swallow anything. I went to the emergency room, and eventually, the blockage broke loose. I made an appointment with a doctor to get things looked at. However, the doctor canceled the appointment a couple of days before that appointment. They claimed there wasn’t anything the doctor could do for me. I tried to get another appointment with a doctor I had seen before. I explained what was happening, and they made an appointment for me in three weeks.
I had an upcoming appointment with the VA and made another appointment with a gastro doctor. But these weren’t until late in July, early June. I was not able to eat much at all at this time. I was still able to drink whatever I wanted, but eating was getting worse. I also started to drop weight faster at this time.
I admit I was slow to react to my initial problems, and hindsight proves me correct. Would my cancer have become so bad had I gotten help sooner? Who knows. Had I gotten help sooner, I might not have gotten to see the oncologist I have now. So, I will not beat myself up for my lack of urgency.
I finally got to a gastro doctor on July 25th, who scheduled me for an endoscope on July 26th. I could not eat or drink after midnight, and the procedure was scheduled for the afternoon. Needless to say, I was a little dehydrated when I finally was being prepped for the procedure. The endo was done, and while waiting for the doctor to give me a run down, I was upbeat that he had done something to allow me to swallow.
Well, that wasn’t the case. The doctor came in with a somber face and told me that I had cancer. We discussed the next step, and I told him I would only see a specific oncologist. This was the same doctor who had treated Valerie’s cancer back in 2007. I was happy to hear that was the doctor I would get a referral to. I was also told there was a blockage still, and if I couldn’t drink water the next day, I would have to go to the emergency room. A slight shock: I had to go to the emergency room the next day, July 27th.
While there, I had a CT scan and some other tests. After the CT, I was given some shocking news: I had stage 4 cancer. The cancer had spread to my liver, and there was a small tumor near my belly button. Talk about getting a significant gut punch. This emergency room visit led to a nine-day stay in the hospital.
Needless to say, my emotional state when I was wheeled to my room the night of the 27th was beyond words. Getting a cancer diagnosis is bad, but being told you have stage four cancer is the worst.
Not only had my world been turned upside down, but so had my families. Believe it or not, things were about to get far worse for me and my family. I will talk about all that as I go forward.
But, know this!!!!! Valerie asked me early on where my mind was. She wanted to know if I was going to fight. My reply was direct and honest. I said, “Fuck yes, I’m going to fight.”
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